Hello and welcome to my two days of hell! I am Trisha, and this is my review of Fifty Shades of
Grey Fucking Shite!^My feelings after this book.
Now let me start off by saying I had heard a lot about this book. The good, the bad and the ugly
the latter being the most fitting
. What I found those was worse than everything I had been prepared for. I should say that you can NEVER EVER
be prepared for 50 shades. It's not actually possible!
Let's break this down for you. The book is about Ana (a virgin) who meets and falls in love with Christian (a dom). Simple really. That is where the plot ends. The title is incorrect and I have a hard time figuring out why it was called Fifty Shades of Grey, unless you account for Christian's blazing grey eyes.Warning: If you are a virgin stay away. This could scar you for life!
Now, let's begin with the review. This book is not appropriate for those who are in a poor mental state. If like me, you believe you are I would recommend you making sure beforehand. I did and still it was not enough for me to like this book. And so the pain begins.The Title
This book is porn and the lack of plot was disturbing. There was I suppose what could be called as non-sex scenes. But, those were mostly the MC's talking about something related to sex. Yes, it's true, they had sex or talked about sex. That was the thing between Christian and Ana. While I was trying to find a plot of any kind I became emotionally disturbed.
Between the characters and Ana's inner goddess and conscience, I found myself in a trance. Her inner goddess!"My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves.
"YES! My inner goddess is thrilled.
"My inner goddess is jumping up and down, clapping her hands like a five-year-old. Please, let’s do this… otherwise we’ll end up alone with lots of cats and your classic novels to keep you company.
I flush, and my inner goddess smacks her lips together glowing with pride.
Sad, I know. Her inner goddess was quite vocal in the book. Then we got to the end of the book."My subconscious is shaking her head sadly, and my inner goddess is nowhere to be seen.
I was happy to be rid of her. She was quite annoying while I read this book.The characters!
So what we know about these characters is limited
depending how you view this book. I was not a fan of the characters at all. Maybe I should break this up.Ana.
Ana, was in no way interesting or strong. I found her to be pathetic in the end and it disturbs me greatly that she is a woman. I have no way of telling you how I really feel about her. So I shall show you.here I am trying to brush my hair into submission.
He extends a long-fingered hand to me once I’m upright.
He cocks his head to one side, running his index finger across his lower lip… oh my.
I vomit spectacularly on to the ground.
It would be like having him in my mouth. Hmm… Glancing guiltily over my shoulder at the door, I feel the bristles on the toothbrush. They are damp. He must have used it already. Grabbing it quickly, I squirt toothpaste on it and brush my teeth in double-quick time. I feel so naughty. It’s such a thrill.
Christian Grey’s feet… wow… what is it about naked feet?
“Of course, I forgive you José. Just don’t do it again. You know I don’t feel like that about you.”
The latter was after her friend tries to rape her. She forgives him and all is forgotten. I am not sure why I found her so irritating. Feel free to tell me!
She is also very quirky!My scalp prickles as every single hair follicle on my body stands to attention, and the world falls away from me, leaving a wide, yawning abyss for me to fall into. Oh no
He’s kissing and sucking and nibbling… moving south… and then his tongue is there. At the junction of my thighs. I throw my head back and cry out as I almost detonate into orgasm… I’m on the brink, and he stops.My grandmother said "down there!" Note, I say, my grandmother. Yes, Ana, you silly child. "Down there" has a name. Vagina! Let's break it up Va-gin-a!
Anyway. Moving swiftly on. We get the feeling I am not fan. Yes? Well, this is true. Me no fan of this shit. But, I am dedicated and I was determined not to be beaten by a book.
I won, the book did not beat me. Although, I did have to leave it overnight so I could sleep without having a nightmare, however, I still won. I finished the book. Quirks and all!
Christian Grey, there is a lot to say about him. Bully, psychopath,
sociopath, ass and last but not least Bastard!Christian Grey."“Anastasia, you were comatose. Necrophilia is not my thing. I like my women sentient and receptive,”
"“Your situation. Ana, I’m going to make love to you, now.”
"“Careful,” he warns. I blanch. “Are you going to hit me again?” I challenge. “No, not tonight.” Phew... my subconscious and I both breathe a silent sigh of relief.
"“I want you, and I want you now. And if you’re not going to let me spank you – which you deserve – I’m going to fuck you on the couch this minute, quickly, for my pleasure, not yours.”
"“Nothing plain or old about vanilla – it’s a very intriguing flavor,”
As you can see, Christian Grey is... I'll let you fill in the blanks for yourself.My opinion of Mr. Grey.How I feel for both characters together!!!!
Now for those of you who think this book will be interesting. I ask you one question. Can you bear the inner goddess? She was a wacky addition to this and had me somewhat suicidal in the end. When I finally had enough of her.My inner goddess is doing the dance of the seven veils.
I kid you not. That was in this book. I was like WYF?
more times than I care to count and it was getting frustrating.Things that pissed me offChristian's long fingers!
Ana's inner goddess!
The long words that could be simplified!
I might be just a dumb child. But, I was not into all the stuffy dialogue and fancy talking. It was becoming a pain. The emails that were sent were actually the best part of this book.
I am not joking, honest.I was frustrated!My feelings for this book were,
It pains me to say people thought this was a piece of literature. I understand it's a book, but it's not that good. To me, it's porn. Porn that could be watched online instead of read like this.
Christian was abusive. It was always about him, his pleasure, his issues and his way. I wanted to smack him. I actually found myself crying when he would say or do something. He and Ana, were a perfect match. They both annoyed me to the extent I was left like this!Words used a lot.Inner Gooddess
Blazing eyes/ eyes blaze
Oh my.Now we get to this scene!He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string – what?! – and gently pulls my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet. Holy fuck. Sweet mother of all… Jeez. And then he’s inside me… ah! Skin against skin… moving slowly at first… easily, testing me, pushing me… oh my.
Please, please, please do not write scenes like that in a book. I was disgusted by that scene. It's not a pleasant thing to read. A man does that to me and I would hurt him. She just accepts it and finds it normal. Am I the one who's not?
I cannot say much more about this. I was not impressed by this book. Here are a couple of gifs to show my feelings.
My inner goddess come out while I was reading. She exists and I never knew her.
How sad! But, I really must thank the book for giving her to me.
I am truly sorry for the rant. My inner goddess
lol has taken over at the moment. She is considering sending me to a psychiatrist, we have not been getting along since I started this and her thoughts of this book are very similar to mine.
whore and Mr. Grey psychopath ,
I despise you both, you should burn in hell for all I care. My head aches and my eyes are sore. I have never felt dead from reading a book before. Congratulations, you have both managed to give me this feeling. I now need years of therapy and possibly hospital treatment to get over my ordeal. I would hope you are both proud of yourselves. I will be eternally grateful
not. I hope I make it to the end of your journey.
For all those who have read this until the end, thank you. To all those who wish to read this book, good luck
you stupid fools. I will keep you in my thoughts.
My final thoughts on this. Bye bye!