Because I enjoy these so much, I'm going to add some lovely quotes from reviews.This book changed my life. After finishing, I spent a long time with my wife of four years, and we discussed our financial situation. The truth is, no matter how much we loved each other, no matter how perfect we were together, we could not afford to bring a child into this world, and we learned through this book that this was not God's plan. We carefully weighed our options. The first we discussed was forcible sterilization. This was something we had to think about for a while, because by the same logic, if we intentionally sterilized ourselves, it could either be one very big sin or an infinite volume of small sins, depending on whether God's sin-counter is digital or analog respectively. For the next few weeks we began to configure our home in such a way that would ultimately lead to accidental castration. Unfortunately, this ended not with joy, but with hideous defeat, as a bread knife intended to snag my low-hanging testicles accidentally caught the missus on the inside of her left thigh, severing her femoral artery. We were able to think quickly enough, using my belt and several pages from this blessed book to staunch the blood flow. Unfortunately, she ended up losing the leg. We realized the folly of our ways when the stump of her newly amputated leg awakened in me a long dormant acrotomophilia. It became apparent that it was not God's plan for me to remain with this woman, this beautiful woman, no matter how badly I wanted to care for her for the rest of her life regardless of what happened. Such a devotion was clearly sinful. So we decided it was best for us to part ways. We kissed one last time before filing the divorce papers, relegating us to a state where we could no longer have sex together no matter how badly we wanted it. Over breakfast one morning, my new ex-wife suggested something to me. She said that a strange feeling came to her in a dream the night before, where a beautiful, angelic woman visited her and began to disrobe. We realized with delight that my beautiful ex-wife was actually a lesbian, and that she would never have to use birth control again. That left me alone, delighted for the once love of my life, but wishing I could find a way to move on as quickly as she had. But now, having faithfully removed myself from the cardinal sin of a respectful, faithful relationship with a woman, I was finally shown the light. His name is Lance. Thank you, Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson, you helped set my life straight. Or... Well, gay. But you understand.
Truly a revelation to learn that my vagina is a sperm receptacle, a canal created by God for the sole purpose of serving Him and delivering babies in His name. Seven years of higher education were a total waste of time.
Well,I'm very grateful I came across this book. I was going to do the 'sensible' thing and plan my family according to my income,health and emotional issues,but now I realise I was wrong & sinful for wanting to have a 'manageable' number of kids.Unfortunately my spouse likes to do the wild thing a LOT and I now have 20 of God's little miracles to feed.Thankfully,I've been able to take a rest from my marital obligations lately as he's either left me or I've lost him under the pile of nappies.A shame,really,as permanently being in maternity clothes makes dressing choices in the morning SO much easier.Oh,well,the nappies come in handy for my untreated obstetric fistula. We're now living under a bridge,& I can no longer afford my anti-pychotic medication but God will provide.Especially as we're planning on eating little Arthur on Tuesday.If I sell Becky to the knackers we'll have food til Thursday.Now,excuse me,I must go.Eustace is near the drain hole poking something nasty with a stick and the blue goblins are telling me to drown Egibald.Which is insane.Eugenia is the one that has to go.Anyway,this book is a godsend for those days I feel inexplicably depressed & can't connect to my children.Probably just need to pray more.Eustace! I told you! Put that stick down now! You don't know where that dead body has been!! My one criticism is that the font is small and hard to read by candlelight. Other than that,it's a brilliant book.Thick enough to kill the cockroaches on the first go.
The haters here are "gonna hate," but you should know that this new edition, all caps and excessive punctuation aside, is WAY better than the first edition of the book, which was written entirely in human excrement on the interior walls of the Athens Lunatic Asylum in Athens, Ohio. So let's give a little credit where credit is due, guys. I CAN MIMIC THIS AUTHORS LOVE OF CAP LOCKS. LETS HOPE THIS BOOK SELLS A MILLION COPIES AND WE CAN ALL LEARN THE WONDER OF THE CAP LOCK. YES I AM BEING SARCASTIC!!!